My tennis instructor once asked me, “Who is your first opponent on the court?” I thought for a moment and responded, unsure of myself, “The net? The ball? My cousin?” (who was standing across the court)
“You!” he responded, “You are your first opponent on the court”.
I was 12 at the time, and this was a great insight. But it turns out that my coach was only partly right. You are your first opponent, on and off the court.
THE POWER OF SELF-TALK
Most of us go through life whispering unhelpful messages in our own ear, at the very moments when we most need encouragement.
It’s too difficult, why even try?
They’ll probably say no.
They’ll laugh at me.
They’ll think my question is dumb.
She’ll never say yes.
Why would they buy from me?
I probably won’t get it.
I can’t.
Just as we are about to venture outside our self-created comfort zone to where the “magic happens”, we tell ourselves things that discourage us, cast doubt on our own abilities, and often end up paralyzing us.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS HAVE SUPER POWERS
Why must we fight negative self-talk? Because negative talk and thoughts are far more powerful than positive thoughts.
Despite your best intentions to exercise:
I will do it
No excuses!
I’m going to be super fit!
I’m going to look hot!
A single discouraging statement to yourself like “I’m too tired now” or “I’ll just end up gaining back the weight like last time” will trigger a torrent of thoughts and emotions that sabotage your plan of action.
4 WAYS TO ELIMINATE NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
UNMASK NEGATIVE SELF-TALK
Words are magical. They can uplift us. They can drag us down. In every situation, we have the power to choose the words and labels that conjure up the right images and emotions.
So the first step is to label negative self-talk for what it really is:
B-U-L-L-Y-I-N-G. Stop bullying yourself!
DON’T ELIMINATE – REPLACE IT
Don’t think of a pink elephant. What do you think of next? A pink elephant of course.
So telling yourself not to have negative self-talk doesn’t work. We can’t help focusing on what we tell ourselves not to focus on. And negative thoughts are rooted deep in your subconscious mind, so you can’t actually get to them even though you know they’re there. Instead, drown them out by replacing them with positive affirmations about yourself and your goals. Write down your affirmations and repeat them day and night.
Can’t come up with a positive affirmation? In “Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It”, Kamal Ravikant teaches us to repeat 3 words over and over again:
I. LOVE. MYSELF.
What a brilliant life hack. This positive affirmation goes straight to the heart of the matter and gives you constant comfort and validation, while drowning out the negative talk.
NOT JUST AFFIRMATIONS – INCANTATIONS
Tony Robbins tells us to start the day with incantations. These are affirmations repeated while our body is moving, e.g. during exercise or a brisk walk. As Tony explains, “With incantations, not only are you speaking words of empowerment, you are using your body and your voice. You are changing your physiology and changing your state, and this can change everything.”
FEEL THE FEAR
Negative self-talk pops up when you are trying to take action towards a goal that is important to you. The fact that you begin to doubt yourself and feel fear is actually normal, since you are reaching outside your comfort zone. Fear is what keeps you inside that comfort zone. Ultimately, the only way to step out of the comfort zone and crush the fear is to take action. So feel the fear–and do it anyway!